10 Birthday Cards That Are Truly Honest

Choosing a birthday card can be a pretty tedious task, particularly when you’re faced with an array of vom-inducing pleasantries paired with teddy bears, flower arrangements or the dreaded golf illustrations.

Luckily, when we say we’ll print ANYTHING on our cards, we 100% mean it (as long as it’s legal!) and even better, we’ll personalise our cards too so you can be brutally honest with your best pal, lovely hubby or even Grandma Joan if you’re brave enough!

When it comes to buying a birthday card, DYP has got your back. There are absolutely no sickly poems here! Just real, honest birthday cards that we can ALL relate to. We’ve picked out 10 of our most truthful birthday cards to make even easier to be brutal but please be aware, some of our cards are totally NSFW – you have been warned!

If our candid cards aren’t quite what you’re looking for, do not fret! We’ve catered for everyone and you can check out our magnificent mantelpiece friendly cards here.

Check out our Top 10 Truly Honest Birthday Cards below:

1) Harsh facts.

Happy Birthday. If you counted your age in dog years, you’d be dead! £2.99

2) Savage (but kinda true). 

Happy Birthday. I thought the dinosaurs were extinct? £2.99

3) Oops. 

Happy Birthday. There was alcohol but we drank that so here’s a card instead! £2.99

4) Age is just a number!

At your age, rolling out of bed is easy. It is the getting up off the floor that is difficult. Happy Birthday. £2.99

5) We all know one. 

Happy Birthday, Dickhead. £2.99

6) The ultimate flattery!

Happy Birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder. £2.99

7) Harsh but very, very true…

Happy Birthday. You know you’re getting old when you & your teeth don’t sleep together. £2.99

8) A polite warning is sometimes necessary!

Happy Birthday. There’s no in gin in this card. £2.99

9) Cute. 

Happy Birthday. You’re not nearly as fat, old, bald or wrinkly as I thought you would be at this age! £2.99

10) Honesty is the best policy, right?

Happy Birthday. This is literally the first card I saw. £2.99

Win a 3-month supply of DYP cards!

At DYP, we pride ourselves on our fabulously fun range of greetings cards! Whether you’re on the hunt for the perfect ‘mantelpiece safe’ card, or maybe something a little bit cheekier, we can guarantee that you will find it here! What’s more, we offer personalised cards so you can make the occasion that bit more special.

We know that everyone loves a freebie, and we also know that it’s super helpful to have a stash of cards in “The Drawer” at home! That’s why we’re giving three lucky people the opportunity to WIN a 3-month supply of our fantastically funny cards in our latest giveaway.

To be in with a chance of winning this smashing prize, head over to either our Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and follow the instructions on our pinned posts. It’s honestly that easy!

Check out our latest designs here.



DYP’s Top 6 Filthiest Cards

At DYP we like to think that we’re not just offering our customers a ‘card-buying service’ but that we’re able to give you a little chuckle along the way. Sometimes, life is just a tad too serious and we pride ourselves on shaking life up a bit with our range of downright filthy and outrageous cards.

Whether you’re looking for a mantlepiece safe card for your great-aunt Sue, or something with a naughtier touch for your darling husband, we can guarantee we have the card for you. When we say that we will print ANYTHING on a card (as long as it’s legal!) we mean it and even better, we will personalise it too. Yup, saying it as it just got a lot easier.

Choosing the right card is a pain in the arse at the best of times but it’s 1000000x worse when you’re using a card to say something you may not even have the balls to say to their face…

We’ve chosen our top 6 filthiest cards to make things easier. Obviously, these change ALL the time because we’re just so bloody amazing and creative, so you can keep tabs on our new arrivals here. Please be aware, some of our cards are totally NSFW!


1) Happy Birthday Cunt

Blunt and straight to the point, just how we like it! Might be best sending this one in the post…

2) I’m not farting on your penis, it’s just a knicker whisper

If you’re making an excuse, you might as well try to make them cute. 

3) Happy Birthday Big Tits

We all know a pair! Why not just give them a gentle reminder on their special day?

4) I love your cock

You know, just in case you’re done with being subtle…

5) Happy Birthday. Get those lips ready, it’s blow job day

We all know it happens once or twice a year if you’re lucky! Give her a hint and you might up it to three times!

6) Husband, you make my special bits feel lovely

Mother always told me that honesty was the best policy!

Introducing the world’s first edible cards!

Here at DYP we’re continuously getting our creative caps on, redesigning and releasing new or improved versions of our outrageously filthy cards. Recently, we had one epic lightbulb moment and we’re bloody delighted to reveal to you our brand spanking new range of edible greetings cards!

With the same cheeky captions that we’re proud to be known for, each edible card will be handcrafted at our studio in good ol’ Yorkshire using only the finest rice paper and edible ink. Gone are the days where your Birthday cards get thrown in the bin after a few days because, with DYP edible cards, you can have your card and eat it too!

Our new range of edible cards will be available to order from Monday 3rd April and as always we can print ANYTHING on our cards (as long as it’s legal!).

Take a look at our edible card range ahead of the launch here.

Christmas TV: It’s what it’s all about isn’t it?

Christmas is about chocolate, cocktails and unbridled TV watching.  Or at least it is round here.  Yeah yeah, there’s the giving and the caring, and the feasting and celebrating.  But there’s also so important goggleboxing to do.  Square-eyes don’t get square by themselves you know.

Christmas TV

So what’s in store for us?  Pretty much the usual stuff, the obligatory Strictly, the traditional Christmas eve Bond, blabla pass the vodka.  It can all be pretty much circumnavigated if you have a subscription to Netflix or Amazon or whatever.  But what if you don’t? Well, don’t worry. We’ve had a look through the TV schedules and there’s something for everyone.  You don’t have to resort to watching It’s a Wonderful Life for the gazillionth time.

Christmas Eve

We’re Going On A Bear Hunt  7.30pm Channel 4  Michael Rosen’s much loved children’s book has been animated.  Stars Olivia Coleman.

Muppet Christmas Carol  5.50pm Channel 4  I’m reliably told that the Muppets stick surprisingly close to the Dickens original story.  And who doesn’t love the Muppets?

Peter Kay’s Comedy Shuffle  22.05 BBC1  Waiting up for Santa?  The best bits of Phoenix Nights and more, should keep you occupied while the varmints fall asleep.

Christmas Day

Raymond Briggs Father Christmas  8.30am Channel 4  Settle the kids in front of this and go back to sleep for a little while

Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal  9.00am Sky2  Will keep everyone occupied while you pull yourself together and get over Santa’s hangover.

Polar Express  1.00pm ITV2  Children’s favourite, belief in Father Christmas is restored in an epic journey to the North Pole.

The Great Christmas BakeOff  4.45pm BBC1  Your last chance to get your BBC Bake Off fix before it hightails it over to Channel 4 next year.

Dr Who  5.45pm BBC1  Essential Christmas Day watching obvs.  Apparently a good sprinkling of superhero references in this Christmas special.

The Last DragonSlayer  5.45pm Sky1  If you’re more of a fantasy family than a scifi family, check this film out.  A little bit Pratchett, a whole lot of adventure

Call the Midwife  8pm BBC1  Special Christmas episode.  Box of tissues at the ready.

Eastenders  9.30pm BBC1  The obligatory Eastenders disasters await: someone’s bound to be found out / get murdered / leave in a taxi, as Max Branning returns to the Square.

Boxing Day

The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn  11am BBC2  Something to aim to get up for.  Or watch it in bed with the kids.  Or without them.

West Side Story  2.20pm Channel5  If you didn’t make it up for Tintin, surely you can drag your sorry ass to the couch for West Side Story?

World’s Strongest Man 2016  6.00pm Channel5  Action from the contest at the First Direct Arena in Leeds.  Yeah, it’s traditional. 

Revolting Rhymes   6.30pm BBC1  Animations based on poems of Roald Dahl.  Features Dominic West and Rob Brydon

Captain America: The First Avenger  9pm Film4  Superheroes for older kids and big kids.





It’s time you made a start on the Christmas Cocktail



I had my first proper Christmas cocktail of the year last night.  While present wrapping.  A dirty martini.  Allegedly, it was Churchill’s favourite cocktail. It’s really not much of a cocktail, but  I’ve always been a bit of a gin-girl so it suits me fine.  4 parts gin to 1 part green olive brine.  You can add a dash of dry vermouth, but I don’t bother.  Shake over ice.  I forgot to hold down the lid and ended up having to lick quite a lot of it up from the counter.  Strain into a glass and serve with a couple of olives.  If there’s any left in the shaker after the lid flies off.  Want something a bit more, cocktail y (as oppose to spilt gin and olive brine)?  Here’s a selection of vaguely Christmassy recipes to try.

Christmas Cocktails

The Refreshing One: Cranberry sea breeze punch

  • Frozen cranberries
  • 1litre cranberry juice
  • 500ml vodka
  • 400ml grapefruit juice
  • 2 limes cut into slices
  • Ice

Pour the cranberry juice, vodka and grapefruit juice into a punch bowl or large jug and add lime.  Add some ice and the frozen cranberries.

The Fizzy One: Sloe Prosecco Royale

  • Crushed ice
  • 50ml Prosecco
  • 25ml sloe gin
  • 25ml cherry brandy
  • 1 sprig rosemary

Fill a glass with crushed ice and pour over the prosecco. Slightly bruise the leaves of the rosemary by rubbing lightly.  Drop it into the glass.  Slowly pour the sloe gin and cherry brandy into the glass so that they sink to the bottom.

Something Warm: Mulled white wine

Fancy something warm, but not a fan of red wine?  Try this unusual mulled white wine.

  • 750ml white wine
  • 100ml madeira
  • ½ lemon sliced
  • 4 dried apricots
  • 5 cardamom pods bruised
  • 1 star anise
  • 1 vanilla pod, split in half
  • 1bsp honey
  • A few drops of rosewater

Pour the white wine and madeira into a large saucepan.  And the rest of the ingredients except the rose water.  Bring to a simmer then strain into a jug.  Stir in the rosewater before serving.

Is it a drink or is it a pudding? : Nutella Frangelico

  • 50ml double cream
  • 1tsp Nutella
  • 150ml whole milk
  • 25 g milk chocolate chopped
  • 25ml hazelnut liquer (Frangelico)
  • 1 tsp chopped hazelnuts

Whip the cream till thick then fold in the nutella.  Try for a marbled effect.

In a saucepan warm the milk until simmering.  Take off the heat.  Add the chocolate and stir till melted.  Return to the heat to warm through.  Add the Frangelico

Pour the hot chocolate into a mug and add the whipped cream.  Sprinkle with the toasted hazelnuts.

The One With A Rude Name: The Blow Job Shot

You’re supposed to drink this without using your hands.  It could get messy.  Infact, it will definitely get messy.

  • 15ml Baileys Irish Cream
  • 15mils Coffee syrup
  • Whipped cream

In a shot glass, layer syrup, Baileys then cream.  Drink in one go, no hands, or however you like.

Have fun, drink responsibly x


How Not To Kill Grandma: Coping With Christmas

Coping with Christmas

The Aspiration and the Reality

Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time.  An occasion for love and togetherness.  But we all know the reality can be so so different.  Enforced socialising, financial stress, being cooped up together.  It can all put huge pressure on relationships.

We watch happy families in films and TV adverts.  We aspire to be those families.  But we all know our Christmas is far more likely to be bored farting in front of the TV and a few disappointing presents.  Far more Royle Family than John Lewis.  And you know what, I’m OK with that.

Coping with Christmas

It’s just a couple of days.  You don’t need to bottom the house, or get new decorations, or a new sofa.  You don’t need to buy enough food to feed the entire town.  Just plump up the cushions and follow our 5 Point Plan On How Not To Kill Your Grandma.

Your Stay Out Of Jail 5 Point Plan

1 Remove all knives from the house

It’s harder to kill someone when there’s no weapons!  Seriously though, choose not to pick a fight.  We all have a family member who annoys us.  If they truly are trouble makers, don’t invite them.  Or uninvite yourself.  But Great Aunt Bessie going on and on about nothing: just let her ramble and leave the room.

2. Solitary Confinement

Enforced socialising is rubbish.  Make some time to be alone.  Walk the dog.  Tidy the cellar.  Sneak off to the attic for a cheeky snooze.  Even just 20 minutes to yourself will make all the difference.  Set an example and let everyone else do it too.  Teenagers want to slope off to their bedrooms to play with their new gadgets.  Let them – they’ll be far less grumpy.  And younger children might benefit from time to themselves too.

3. Family Therapy

There’s no better way of metaphorically shoving a dummy in everyone’s mouth than a great Christmas film.  If you’ve got to that point where everyone’s over tired, over stuffed, over talked and drunk, then open a box of chocs and stick the telly on.

4. Accomplices

Doing everything yourself? This is no way of coping with Christmas.  You will wear yourself ragged.  And everyone will treat you like a servant.  Or they’ll be resentful that they don’t get a look in.  By the end of the day, you’ll be ready to strangle someone.  Share out the jobs.  Make people feel involved.  Give yourself a break.

5. Calm down!

Being a control freak at Christmas is a sure fire path to murder.  Forgot the holly? Got the wrong napkins?  Cat ate the giblets?  IT DOESN’T MATTER!

Merry Christmas, have a good one!

Coping with christmas





The Big DYP Christmas Gift Guide 2016

Gift Guide

We have scoured the internet, to give you the DYP Gift Guide.  We’ve gone mostly for independent businesses.  And we’ve aimed for some unusual and unique gifts.  If you can’t find some inspiration here, we’re sure you will on some of the websites we’ve mentioned.

The DYP Gift Guide

Gifts for Travellers

Gift List

Scratch The World Print We found this fabulous concept map from Maps International.  It’s the perfect gift for anyone intent on conquering the world.  Whenever you visit a country, you can scratch off the gold coating to reveal the country beneath.

The Yorkshire Beer Experience  If someone’s grounded for the winter, how about a virtual trip round God’s Own County in beer? A kit with lots of different Yorkshire ales.

Gifts for Babies

What do you get for the little person who doesn’t even understand Christmas yet?  They’re probably going to prefer playing with the box and the wrapping paper anyway.

Teething Ring  How about something useful like this teething ring from Little KG Boutique.  It’s pretty too, and doubles up as a rattle.  Very handy.

Wooden Shape Sorter Or a handmade, personalised wooden toy, like this shape sorter from Auntie Mims.

Personalised Silver Plated Baby Spoon For the baby born with silver spoon in it’s mouth, how about a personalised keepsake to treasure as baby grows up.

Gift List Gift List

Gifts for Parents

You know what mums need?  Time off, of course!  So how about an experience.  There’s a tonne of art and craft days at http://www.experiencedays.co.uk , as well as plenty of other experiences.  Red Letter Days have vouchers for hobbies, crafts, food and drink, dance and music experiences and more.  We also looked at what our colleagues at Not On The High Steet were offering.  We found, amongst other things, a Harmonica lesson, a luxury chocolate tasting evening, and an alpaca walk and fleece felting experience.

Gifts for the Ethically Minded and Over-stuffed

Gift ListSo many of us just have too much stuff already.  How nice would it be to share the Christmas love with individuals and communities that really need it.  Oxfam have vouchers that will buy a goat for a rural family or provide winter warmth for a refugee, or a toilet for a village, and much more.  Good Gifts have vouchers that help people set up micro businesses, buy text books, provide baby clothes etc.  That’s just how all encompassing our Gift Guide is!

Gifts for Music Lovers

If you have a music-lover to buy for, look no further than Guitar Geekery, with mugs, tshirts, posters and more.

Gift Guide

Gift GuideOr the best of musical biographies in the Rough Trade shop. Or some vinyl from an independent record store. To find a local one in the UK, search here or for the USA search here.  They aren’t definitive lists, but they’re a start.


Gifts for Foodies

True foodies are a bit tricky.  Do they really want a kit?  They probably have half the ingredients already.  And they’re probably sinking under a mound of recipe books.  But what about something a bit unusual?  Make your own bacon perhaps?  Or cheese?

Gift Guide

Yorkshire’s finest, Betty’s do vouchers.  Treat someone local to a posh afternoon tea, or a choice from the Betty’s mail order service for those further afield.

Gifts for your Lover

Gift GuideAhem, well, it depends doesn’t it.  Romantic, sexy, practical ?  Well, here’s something cheesy.  Or should we say chocolatey.  A Romantic Chocolate Gesture from Morse Toad.


What about some gorgeous jewellery.  We like this pendant by Kaila Jewellery, if Santa’s reading this, nudge nudge.  And who doesn’t want a swish new watch eh?  This Zoom Beat Watch from Maxout is something a bit different.

Gift Guide Gift Guide

Gifts for Children

Children can never have enough books.  In our humble opinion.  Whatever they’re in to, there’s a book for that.  The Book Trust gives exhaustive lists and ideas for all ages and interests.  Have a browse.  What could be better!

Gift Guide

Gifts from DYP

Of course no DYP Gift Guide would be complete without including DYP gifts too!  Lots of cheeky mugs, prints and teatowels.

Gift Guide Gift Guide




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